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Many of us fall into the trap of giving ourselves too much credit.
Recently I’ve found that quite a few readers place a high value on intelligence in their partners and it’s often the primary value that concerns them the most.
These very same people are then bewildered as to why these ‘intelligent’ partners haven’t given them the relationship that they expected, and were in fact lacking in relationship and emotional smarts.
I know a hell of lot of people who have low or even zilch self-esteem that are very high achievers. Because they have the knowledge and the skills and can just ‘get on with it’, and particularly if they avoid their feelings and intimacy and bury themselves in their intelligence or work, plus they get recognition and feel respected and good in that field, it’s an easier way of getting validation.
Without putting yourself fully into relationships and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and actually being relationship smart (as opposed to relying on your intellect and probably over intellectualising your interactions), relying on your intellect is basically like having an intelligent conversation with some sex and expectations thrown in and then thinking ‘Shazam!
Job done and I didn’t even have to stretch myself emotionally.’ There are a lot more controlled elements with intelligence in the wider sense.